MY ATTEMPT TO NOT BE A MORON BEING LAUGHED AT, PART 2.
What’s a girl left to do is nothing, but wait.
But, I’m sorry, I’m an impatient woman. I think I have waited long enough. I can’t wait anymore.
I decided to stop treating myself with fantasies of you and of our possible, but unfortunately, unattainable future together.
You don’t want me. I am not what you want.
You don’t need me. I am not what you need.
And vice versa.
Let’s just get over with it babe. Stop flirting around like you are the coolest guy in the planet.
But i will remember this good joke you had on me. I still might get a good laugh out of it in the future.
Until we meet again, babe. :)
MY ATTEMPT TO NOT BE A MORON BEING LAUGHED AT, PART 1.
Oftentimes, I really do want to rush it, because hell, I am not a masochist, and I know I do not like pain. I detest pain.
People argue. They say, just throw it aside, forget it, and just let it out of your system. Its as if you can press fast forward to get into the happy ending of the movie. And worst, people gloriously laugh at me, for they think I embarrass myself by being the slowest player inside the relationship field.
I say, the hell I care! Now, I am humble enough to admit to myself that I can only put ME, piece by piece, SLOWLY, or on whatever phase of progress I can handle, and yes, on its maximum level. Because this is my strength, this is my limit, and this is how my body deals with it.
This time, NO SHORTCUTS ALLOWED because I am not a moron anymore.
I do not really f*cking care babe, so I’ll be damned. :)
We don’t know it, but oftentimes, Life finds us too arrogant and boastful that the only way to burst our bubble is by getting from us the most important person or thing in our life, or by not giving the things that we badly want or even needed ,no matter how hard we pray for it, and though we know that we surely deserve it.
It’s what I call, HUMBLING EXPERIENCE/S.
Life has slapped you hard on the face already my friend, so you better learn humility, before life gets something or someone away from you, AGAIN. :)
KENG, Theater actress and self-absorbed bitch from her room.
CONVERSATIONS 101 (with the best friend)
What i told about my best friend as we talk about this new guy:
“You know what’s nice about it, you are not telling a story about yourself anymore, in your self-absorbed version, like you usually do. You are telling his story, his acts, in “he-is-totally-into-you version. And one more thing, its like the puzzle has been solved. He totally gets you. :)”
Love is in the air. :)
”You know what it’s like getting up every morning feeling hopeless, feeling like the love of your life is waking up with the wrong man? But, at the same time, hoping that she still finds happiness, even if it’s never going to be with you?
-Albert Brennaman, Hitch
I was in the impression that the villain had the time of his life when he ruined the Princess’ life.
But just like any other stories, good will overcome evil.
And now the Princess is having the time of her life because of her happily ever after.
And yes, because the villain has a ruined life already.
Oh well, KARMA’s a BITCH. :)
Anonymous
No good day will turn to bad when you hear it.
Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
I will try, to fix you.
We are all great actors and actresses of our time. No matter how much we deny it and say that we are real and true to the people around, and even to ourselves, there is no denying that role playing and pretensions are in our human nature. It’s because it is easier to pretend and act that we don’t care even if we do, we made the right decision even if we didn’t, we are happy when we are really not, and we are winning even if we are already losing.
Because oftentimes, it is easier to create a perfect world built from fantasy than to fix a cracked one built from reality.
It is easier to acquire something new than to fix what was broken.
Because oftentimes, NAME is the only thing that we have.
And PRIDE is the only thing left that we can give to ourselves.
I say, we all deserve an OSCAR for this and a loud round of applause. After all, life is somehow like a movie, and it is hard work to fake it and give ‘em a great show. :)
KENG, Theater actress and self-absorbed bitch from her room.
CONVERSATION 1-0-1 (1 ON 1)
My crazy moments. I have lots of ‘em. One would be when I end up talking to myself in the middle of the night, in the middle of my long trip going home from Makati to Valenzuela, and most of the time, on just random minute or two. Pathetic, I know, so I’m damned. :)
Myself: Why was your dream like that last night?
Me: oh that. oh well, i guess i still think of it. not that i am not enjoying these past days, because, hell, I have never been so happy. There are just some things i miss. After all, bad habits are hard to break.
Myself: Oh i see… And you are still defensive.
Me: Hahaha. I owe you that remember, “dear myself” after being defenseless over love for the past three years.
Myself: Sure sure. How long still?
Me: For a very recovered and healthy heart again? Pretty soon, I hope. I don’t want to count. I don’t want to rush. I want to give you a lot, lot more time. After all, we are getting there, right?
Myself: Yeah. A lot to go, but we are getting there.
Myself: By the way, thank you.
Me: For what?
Myself: For giving me a 2nd chance. For giving US another chance. Thanks for loving me more these past days. Never had this before. hahaha.
Me: Not a biggie. They say, its the perfect time to love “myself” more. To love you more. After all, nobody will love you and take care of you like me. And also God, by the way.
Myself: You are such a kiss-ass to the Dad. hahaha. :)
Me: I know. :)
